I visited my old life yesterday and I have to say that it was good. I have really been able to reflect on what truly has brought me to the place I am now. There was a perfect storm, if you will, of reasons that I decided to make the changes I have. I realize that it was really a matter of too much for too long without restraint. Whether it be smoking, drinking, partying, etc… I was just out of control!
I am on the verge of going back to the club where it all started. I stopped in to say hello, not really having any ulterior motives, and I ended up getting offered a job. I do not plan on making it a career, but more a springboard out of my poverty and on to a life that I want. The fact is, DJ’s do not stay anywhere for very long, usually, I was one of the exceptions to the rule as I was at Oasis for 3 years. I am going to say now that I am putting a time limit on staying in the business. I will do the best job I can while stashing away my earnings and making my exit when the time is right. All the while, I will be pursuing my interests in graphic design and photo restoration and design. Oh, and most importantly, going to the gym and continuing my return to health.
I also visited my girl D… It was so good to see her, though I feel that my absence has caused a bit of uneasy conversation and I found myself a bit at a loss for something to say other than the common pleasantries. For what reason? I really don’t know, it wasn’t her, she has always meant a lot to me. I think that it was just because I really feel like I made a total ass of myself at the end of my tenure there. I was really fucked up at that point, and I feel like I let a few people down, including and especially her. D, I love you, you are my sister I never had, and I am sorry for abandoning you!
I know that what I did was, in the long run, for the better. I am feeling good and thinking more clearly than I have in years. Though I have made a lot of good decisions lately, I still am second guessing some of my choices. I really think that going back into the fold is going to be the best route to take, and I turned down an offer from an old friend to help with a job. The job would have been one that I would have to be the loud, aggressive salesman again… but, I just don’t feel that I have that in me anymore. It’s not that I fear the work, but, I fear who I am when I do that work. However long or short my time is in this existence, I don’t want to be that person anymore.
I like who I am now, and who I plan to become. I am a happier person and have a life to look forward to every day, good times and bad. It is with that thought that I leave you for now.
Thanks to all of you for your continued love and support.
As always, take care and remember…
Every day is a chance to turn it all around!
- Kenny
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