Conflict Resolution: Simple Change

How much time do you spend trying to resolve a conflict by changing the view, opinion or emotional response of the person you’re in the midst of a disagreement with?  You both have opinions on a subject that are, in your own opinions right on the money.  You both have an angle on the subject that just makes sense, and can’t for the life of you understand why the other just won’t get it.  However, one simple change in behavior, one tweak of your response to this situation will dramatically improve your success in resolving conflict and moving forward in a mutually beneficial way.

I’ve learned something over the years that applies to this situation.  If you approach these disagreements with the position that you’re right and that’s it, people put their shields up.  They dig in for the long haul and aren’t likely to back down.  You reciprocate with the same behavior in response to their own defensive posture and it’s a fight until someone breaks.  My dad always said, listen calmly to the other person’s opinion with an open mind that you may indeed be incorrect.  You might actually be wrong, and sincerely hearing what they say, and taking it into real genuine consideration, open the door for the person you’re speaking with to “lower the shields”.  They feel the intent behind your conversation as you really examine their point of view, not just give them a chance to talk.  That little change builds a bridge between the two of you towards a solution.

You might actually be correct in your view point.  You might not ever really consider the direction they want, much less changing your point of view.  But just showing that you’re willing to at least consider is a gesture that is usually well received.  You may even, in simply submitting yourself to the idea of being wrong, clear your mind enough to see that you actually are!  You may find that there is a better way to proceed that is neither yours nor theirs, but a blend of both that only open conversation between two people engaged in finding a solution together can see will appear. 

Give it a try.  This isn’t a “tactic” to get your way or manipulate the situation, it’s a simple method to remove everyone’s defenses from the situation and find the best way to resolve a conflict.  The best way, the mutual success is what we’re after.  It breeds success, builds relationships and moves teams forward.

Please let me know what you think.  Leave a comment, or connect with me on Twitter and let’s discuss your thoughts and experiences.  http://twitter.com/matt_schmitt/

Matthew Schmitt

[Via http://matthew-schmitt.com]

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